WILLIAM Q. SNOBBERSON: Exasperated, put-upon, and irascible, Snobberson is the MC of fantastically popular (pathetically struggling) musical variety show Music in the Evening. Dig into the early episodes and you can hear his voice develop from a weird drawl into the fairly stable form it's in now. Something to know? Despite his wandering affected accent, Snobberson is actually a Russian immigrant, as you can hear in the revamped first episode. Nothing has come of this ... yet.
SADIE GOLDMAN: "The only competent one among us" -- William Q. Snobberson. Sadie is a young woman who majored in theater in college and has been paying for it ever since. The stage manager of Music in the Evening, Sadie is the glue that holds the show together and a real mensch.
JERRY: Perpetually a teenager, Jerry is the production assistant at Music in the Evening, which puts him at the bottom of the show's hierarchy. Jerry's adventures include coming of age and experiencing the mating frenzy, the Poon Forr, and being taught to gamble by the others and losing his shirt.
MACK: Coarse and brutish, chief grip Mack manhandles the sets and does other things, I suppose, around the show. Mack made his appearance, as did basically all the characters, in episode 3, Labor Problems, as the ringleader of the job action against Snobberson. Although of course he's been retro-added into the revamped first episode.
JACK: Jack, a quiet and powerful lummox with greatly reduced brain function, does the heavy lifting at the show, mostly without comment. (Another way to say this is that I can't think of any lines for him). Jack also displays a surprising intelligence at times, with a vast knowledge of etymology and philosophy.
QUIMQUAFF: Introduced in episode 6, Quimquaff is a Native American who has been expelled from his tribe for too literally "merging" with the Spirit of Buffalo. If you know what I mean. Episode 6 is the one where pirates hijack the show, so Quimquaff is a play on similar noble savage Queequeg from Moby Dick, except of course that "quim" is an archaic word for vagina, which amuses me greatly; I don't know about you. Nowadays, Quimquaff serves as the Secretary of Indian Affairs at the show, which means essentially he sits around.
FRED: Fred's the sound guy. I mean, someone has to set up the microphones and stuff, right? And it happens to be this outspoken conservative, here to keep the rest of these libtards' heads on straight.
THE MICE: Nigel, Ludlow, and Rufus are the charming vermin who infest the theater and perturb Snobberson constantly. Nigel has a penchant for pretend Cockney slang, Ludlow has a Beatle haircut, and Rufus ... well, Rufus is dumb. I wonder how these mice learned to speak? Maybe a future episode will shed some light on the situation, hint hint.
FIONA HARDWICKE: Snobberson's sister, Fiona has done extremely well for herself, marrying into a fabulously wealthy family. She is a busybody, and has tried to impose moral rectitude onto the filthy show (see episode 18, "BANNED!") Fiona has a son, Trevor, whom I'll tell you about right now.
TREVOR HARDWICKE: Having grown up in immense privilege, Trevor's worldview is decidedly skewed. Which can make you feel superior until you remember that the top one percent of America's wealthy control more money than the bottom HALF. Yeah. It's not really that funny anymore. Your kids will never go to college, any medical crisis will leave you bankrupt, and the entire economy is giving up on the middle class. Still like Trevor? Personally, I think he should be killed and his wealth redistributed.
THE GHOSTS OF MARLON BRANDO AND JIMMY STEWART: These residents of Actors' Heaven not infrequently make excursions back to Earth to visit the show. The Ghost of Marlon Brando is id unfettered, a force of nature forever seeking food and women. He's probably my favorite character to write and voice. The Ghost of Jimmy Stewart is Brando's semi-willing companion, foil, and only remaining friend. The Ghost of Marlon Brando first showed up in episode 5, "The Storybook Plug."
MOLOCH THE EVIL CAT: With the attitude of languorous menace that only a cat can pull off, Moloch (named after an ancient Ammonite god who demanded child sacrifice) has insinuated himself into the gang's business enough times to warrant an entry here. He began as a murderous predator stalking the mice, but has since mollified into a mere Satan-worshipping aficionado of evil.
SQUENTES: Latin lover and signing sensation Squentes is mysterious, alluring, and exotic. He appears when he is needed and disappears shortly after (shortly after orgasm, that is). Squentes first showed up in episode 6, and made a return appearance in the comeback special, episode 19. He also appeared to help see Snobberson off to the afterlife in episode 36.
STREETFELD, THE OBSERVATIONAL COMEDY RAPPER: Streetfeld's reach exceeds his grasp. He aspires to be a mega-popular rapper/comedian, but can neither rap well nor write original jokes. Streetfeld's offensive blacky accent is second only to my early use of the word "retarded" in embarrassment and shame. Sorry, folks. But them's the breaks! Just pretend I'm successfully offensive.
GERTRUDE AND OLIVIA: Twin sisters who perform as Mysyc fyr Wymyn, these radical feminists and all-around pinkos have shown up a few times, so they warrant an entry here. Meet them in episode 4, and "enjoy" their company in episodes 31 and 42.