Monday, May 19, 2014

Recurring Minor Characters


FIONA HARDWICKE: Snobberson's sister, Fiona has done extremely well for herself, marrying into a fabulously wealthy family. She is a busybody, and has tried to impose moral rectitude onto the filthy show (see episode 18, "BANNED!") Fiona has a son, Trevor, whom I'll tell you about right now.

TREVOR HARDWICKE: Having grown up in immense privilege, Trevor's worldview is decidedly skewed. Which can make you feel superior until you remember that the top one percent of America's wealthy control more money than the bottom HALF. Yeah. It's not really that funny anymore. Your kids will never go to college, any medical crisis will leave you bankrupt, and the entire economy is giving up on the middle class. Still like Trevor? Personally, I think he should be killed and his wealth redistributed.

THE GHOSTS OF MARLON BRANDO AND JIMMY STEWART: These residents of Actors' Heaven not infrequently make excursions back to Earth to visit the show. The Ghost of Marlon Brando is id unfettered, a force of nature forever seeking food and women. He's probably my favorite character to write and voice. The Ghost of Jimmy Stewart is Brando's semi-willing companion, foil, and only remaining friend. The Ghost of Marlon Brando first showed up in episode 5, "The Storybook Plug."

SQUENTES: Latin lover and signing sensation Squentes is mysterious, alluring, and exotic. He appears when he is needed and disappears shortly after (shortly after orgasm, that is). Squentes first showed up in episode 6, and made a return appearance in the comeback special, episode 19.

STREETFELD, THE OBSERVATIONAL COMEDY RAPPER: Streetfeld's reach exceeds his grasp. He aspires to be a mega-popular rapper/comedian, but can neither rap well nor write original jokes. Streetfeld's offensive blacky accent is second only to my early use of the word "retarded" in embarrassment and shame. Sorry, folks. But I still intend to have him return in a future episode.

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